For real

“… I just can’t go out tonight, I’m so tired. Did I tell you what happened yesterday in Southampton? There was like this outdoor party, and I went with this girl, but then this other girl took me back to the swingset and took my pants off. I know. But she did. And so I was like, um, okay, maybe there should be privacy. So we climbed up the swingset to where there’s like that little hut on top of the slide. And we started having sex but then, um, we knocked down one of the walls. So everybody’s laughing except this girl. And… um… the one that I came to the party with. So I’m sorry, I’m exhausted and there’s no way I’m making it out tonight. I’m going to get some Chinese food and then go to Barnes and Nobles and try to pick up a little bookish girl. I’m in the mood for a really quiet night.”